Friday, 20 April 2012

To hell and back and to hell again and again....

It has been a long time since I wrote anything but that is because I just came out of the two longest weeks of living hell. This roller coaster ride is making so nauseous that I am begging for Gravol.
The yelling, the screaming and the flashing of the knife to the inside of my wrist came raging back with a vengeance. In the space of two days my wrists have suffered the marks of a red angry blade 4 times.
As hard as those two weeks were the hardest most horrific journey came on Easter Sunday where I had spent the entire day putting on a happy, peaceful face for my family while inside I was screaming and filled with mental and emotional torment; that left me so mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted that I ended up on the floor, screeching like a madman, my head in my hands and a knife on the floor next to me. So exhausted and so drained that it continued on into the next day when I saw my therapist.
I have since climbed out of my deep dark place and put away the blade, for now. In place was a week full of physical pain, but the roller coaster ride is not yet over.
It is merely on pause.