Friday, 20 April 2012
To hell and back and to hell again and again....
It has been a long time since I wrote anything but that is because I just came out of the two longest weeks of living hell. This roller coaster ride is making so nauseous that I am begging for Gravol.
The yelling, the screaming and the flashing of the knife to the inside of my wrist came raging back with a vengeance. In the space of two days my wrists have suffered the marks of a red angry blade 4 times.
As hard as those two weeks were the hardest most horrific journey came on Easter Sunday where I had spent the entire day putting on a happy, peaceful face for my family while inside I was screaming and filled with mental and emotional torment; that left me so mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted that I ended up on the floor, screeching like a madman, my head in my hands and a knife on the floor next to me. So exhausted and so drained that it continued on into the next day when I saw my therapist.
I have since climbed out of my deep dark place and put away the blade, for now. In place was a week full of physical pain, but the roller coaster ride is not yet over.
It is merely on pause.
The yelling, the screaming and the flashing of the knife to the inside of my wrist came raging back with a vengeance. In the space of two days my wrists have suffered the marks of a red angry blade 4 times.
As hard as those two weeks were the hardest most horrific journey came on Easter Sunday where I had spent the entire day putting on a happy, peaceful face for my family while inside I was screaming and filled with mental and emotional torment; that left me so mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted that I ended up on the floor, screeching like a madman, my head in my hands and a knife on the floor next to me. So exhausted and so drained that it continued on into the next day when I saw my therapist.
I have since climbed out of my deep dark place and put away the blade, for now. In place was a week full of physical pain, but the roller coaster ride is not yet over.
It is merely on pause.
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